Being ‘too nice’ is a habit that comes with various not-so-nice side effects. Not only can it exacerbate your driving anxiety, driving phobias and driving fears, but it can also sink your self-esteem and turn you into the world’s favorite doormat. We discussed the dangers of being too nice in our last post, and are now offering several tips for helping to correct the habit (without turning you into a monster, of course).
How to Fix Niceaholism
Check your motives.
Checking your motives is a useful tool before taking action of any sort, but it can be especially keen for figuring out why you are agreeing to a particular request or idea. If you’re saying yes because it’s become an ingrained habit, stop a moment, think and then act, rather than simply react with your usual response.
“If you’re simply being nice automatically, without reflecting on your own thoughts and values, you’re not being good to yourself,” TinyBuddha.com explains.
If you’re agreeing to something just so people will like you, cut it out. If you’re agreeing to something because you actually want to do it, go for it!
Practice making more decisions.
Stand up and be the person who decides what restaurant to eat at, what task to do first, or what to wear for Halloween. The more you use your decision-making skills, the stronger they will become. The decision-making practice also applies to how you spend your own time. Let’s say you have a much-needed massage scheduled but someone asks for something that would disrupt that schedule. Make the decision to meet your own needs before those of others. Practice standing up for yourself. And above all else, practice saying no!
Know saying ‘no’ is never as scary as it seems.
When you say no to something, the world is not going to blast off its axis, the sun will not explode and the person you just said no to will probably not haul off and punch you in the face.
“Remember that when you say no, the fallout is never as bad as you think it will be,” the Chicago Tribune quotes social psychologist Susan Newman.
You won’t forever be labeled as a “bad person” or be forced to wear a scarlet letter on your forehead. Besides, you’re saving your time and energy for things you really want to do.
Kill off toxic relationships.
Relationships are a two way street, and if you find only your side of the street is giving without anything in return, it may be time to find a brand new route to take. Friends that never hang out with you or only call when they need a favor may be no friends of yours indeed. Social psychologist Ronald Riggio recommends the three-strikes rule. If someone is hurtful, horrible or otherwise toxic to you on three separate occasions and never apologies or changes behavior, it may be time to cut the person loose.
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