Saying yes to a good cause, favor or request can make you feel good. But saying yes to every single good cause, favor or request that comes your way can do just the opposite. Taking on more than you can handle can lead to stress, an increase in general anxiety, an increase in driving anxiety and fears, and an overall burnt-out, totally fried brain.
Executive coach Marshall Goldsmith goes as far as to call saying yes too frequently as the “No. 1 Happiness Killer.”
And this happiness killer doesn’t just hit at work when your boss asks for overtime or your coworker begs you to cover her shift. It can happen when your neighbor asks you to cat sit, your spouse asks that you please pick up dinner or your kids beg you to do this “one little thing.”
One little thing, however, can quickly pile up into three or four, eventually creating a schedule that’s impossible for any human being to meet.
Why We Do It
It can be tough to say no for many folks, and social psychologist Susan Newman points out several reasons why:
- We’re brought up being told to say yes to our parents and authority figures, essentially having the the “‘no’ drummed out of us.”
- Many people think saying yes will ensure they don’t appear uncaring, selfish or lazy.
- Saying no can lead to a confrontation, and the thought of even a mild confrontation can scare some folks off.
- For some, saying yes can be nearly as automatic as an addiction. They have no power to say anything but yes, which results in a plate piled high with responsibilities and barely enough room to even breathe.
Tips for Saying No
Consider if the request aligns with your overall goals. If your goals include taking a long weekend to spend more quality time with your family, saying yes to your boss’s overtime request may be the wrong move.
See where you can cut back. If an opportunity pops up you just can’t miss, evaluate the other tasks on your plate and see which can be delayed, postponed or eliminated altogether.
Evaluate why you’re the person being asked. Your boss may ask you for overtime because you’re the best employee for the task he needs – or he may ask you simply because he knows you’ll never say no. Sometimes people will seek out the yes men (and women) because they know these people are pushovers. Don’t let yourself be a pushover.
Keep your response simple. It’s been said that “No” is a complete sentence. And it certainly can be. You don’t have to dive into a long explanation as to why you’re saying no to a certain request. You can simply say “No,” or “No, thank you.” If you must, you can make a slightly longer sentence like, “I can’t commit to that at this time. But thank you for asking.”
Saying no to the things that don’t fit your schedule, suit your fancy or align with your goals can help you understand it’s the quality of life that matters, not the quantity of stuff you can get done in a day.
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