Talking to strangers has been something most of us have avoided since our mothers warned us about them. But even when we don’t necessarily fear the strangers we encounter on the bus, elevator, planes or trains, we still avoid idle chitchat. Two behavioral scientists suggest we could actually be a lot happier if we didn’t. And they have the research to back it up.
Why We Avoid Chitchat with Strangers
Researchers Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder conducted several experiments, with the results published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology. The experiments examined why folks typically choose to sit quietly in solitude during a commute rather than engaging in conversation with a fellow traveler. The reason is not because we get a big kick out of being alone, but because we automatically and mistakenly assume other people have no interest in talking to us.
Such mistaken assumptions fall into the category of what is known as pluralistic ignorance. This phenomenon occurs when people incorrectly make assumptions about other people’s values and beliefs. In this case, the incorrect assumption is that no one wants to talk to a stranger.
This leaves an elevator, waiting room, train or bus full of quiet, closed-down people wrapped in individual solitude. Such environments could instead be much livelier, enjoyable and even offer a chance to make new friends.
The Experiments
One of the study’s experiments involved more than 100 train commuters in Illinois who were divided into three different groups. The first group was told to start a conversation with a stranger during the ride. The second was instructed to purposely stay silent. The third was told to behave as they normally would during their typical commute. After the ride, study participants completed an assessment to rate how pleasant, productive and happy the commute felt.
Another experiment had a different group of commuters fill out a survey to simply predict how happy they would be during their commute based on the three different actions: staying silent, chatting with a stranger or doing what they normally would. They didn’t have to act on any of the scenarios, only predict how each would make them feel.
The Results
In the first experiment, all of the people who started a conversation with a fellow commuter assessed that their commute felt more pleasurable and even productive. The average conversation lasted about 14 minutes.
Folks who predicted their moods in the second experiment predicted just the opposite. They made that assumption that chitchat with a stranger would decrease the pleasantness, productivity and happiness levels of their commute.
The researchers conducted two more experiments, one on a bus and another in a waiting room. The results matched the earlier experiments. People incorrectly assumed strangers had no interest in talking to them, yet those that initiated random conversations felt happier after doing so.
The same is likely to hold true in car pools or other transportation situations. Perhaps you can share about your driving phobias and driving fears to lessen the anxiety, lighten the load and enjoy a more pleasurable ride.
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